Off the beaten path

The other day I was lousing around playing video games (nerdy, right?) and something cool happened in the game. Naturally I turned around to tell my brother about it and, guess what, he wasn't there. He's on a mission.

I keep thinking that he'll be back soon, that he's at EFY or on vacation or something. Guess what... he's not. He's on a mission! I'm jealous but at the same time not.

That being said, I get to go with my family back to New York this week and cannot wait, no sir. That being said, I'll create a list of fun, off the path things for you to do if you're ever in the greatest city in the world.

1) The Dumpling Kingdom. It's a place where you literally walk through a hole in the wall into a basement kingdom. The roof leaks when it rains, nice Chinese ladies try to set you up with their daughters, and you try not to think about what would happen if ICE decided to stop by and say hello. Oh, and they make you delicious dumplings. I'm sure you could find those in a more reputable establishment, but these are VERY cheap, and the experience is half the fun.

2) Flushing Meadows Park It's the site of the 1964 World's Fair which, by the way, pioneered the use of visitors' centers in the Church. Today it's got a bunch of left overs from the fair, including the Unisphere, and is home to several museums, including the Queens Museum of Art with its diorama of the city (very worth it), the Queens Science Center, the Queens Botanical Garden, and the Queens Zoo (which is lame).

3) I'd say the Brooklyn Bridge, but it's on the beaten path.

4) Grimaldi's Pizza. It's the best pizza you'll ever have. You can find it right under the Brooklyn Bridge, though I'd recommend going early in the day or you'll have a long wait. It's worth it though, and, no, they don't take reservations (unless you're somebody famous like Michelle Obama), and they absolutely do not take cards. Cash only. They have an ATM for a fee, of course.

5) Chino Bake. If you want a heart attack, this is the place to get it. Basically you go in and point at what you want from the giant display case, so the nice girl who doesn't speak English can fetch it for you. Don't try to get it yourself! I hear the last person who tried lost his hand. I also like to make up my own words as to what the people on the Chinese TV are saying.

6) Coney Island. Take almost any train in Brooklyn to the end and you'll be there. Don't plan to swim; the beaches are all nasty and hypodermic covered. The boardwalk is tons of fun, and you can always eat at the original Nathan's hotdogs. Even though they are very, very good they are a bit (read: EXTREMELY) overpriced, so don't plan to fill up there. Along the boardwalk are tons of fun sideshows and places to eat.

7) Prospect Park is tons better than Central Park. It was designed by the same people and is actually considered their masterpiece. It has a lot more history (the Battle of Brooklyn was largely fought here and at nearby Greenwood Cemetary) and fun things to do, like rowing in a lake. I guess you can do that in Central Park, but Prospect Park will be a lot less crowded.

8) Greenwood Cemetary is also fun to visit if you're a creeper. I liked it. The garden-like feel is cool, plus loads of rich and famous people are buried there. It's also the highest point in Brooklyn, so the view of the city is great.

I'm sure I'll come up with more as time goes on, and you're always free to ask for more if you'd like. Gosh, I just realized I started this post talking about how I miss D, then ended it talking about my own mission. Oops... oh well. I'm too lazy to divide the posts.